blessings & bruises

This quote says it all.  I couldn't say it better.   

I've started this post I don't know how many times on this blog over the last few months and have ended up deleting them.   These last few months have been filled with laughter, tears, headaches and heartaches, blessings and bruises, exhaustion, frustration.   We've celebrated milestones and we've shed tears.   There is nothing easy about life and we know that.   If God made life simple, we wouldn't need to rely on Him like we do.   But I can't help but have days where I feel like we suffer more bruises than blessings and that the grass always seems greener on the other side.   

Being totally 110% raw, my heart is heavy and my body is exhausted.   I've never wanted to be a quitter so much in life than I do now and I'm pretty sure many would tell us we aren't crazy for doing so.  I've been fighting giants this year left and right.   I've watched my son struggle with his own giants and this fostering adventure has almost turned into a fostering nightmare.   

A very sweet person the other day told me..."you go places I only dream of" when referencing our fostering experience.   I wept at those words.   So often this call to be foster parents comes with tears and pain.    We've been told over and over "I don't know how you do this" or "this is going to be so hard on you" and all too often the negative sinks in, the doubt creeps up and your world seems like its falling apart.   You've seen 'friends' disappear because you suddenly took in that other person's child and they don't have time for you nor understand why you would do such a thing.  But this person, this person put things in a new perspective for me.   I should be so blessed that God called Dave and I to foster.   I've had the opportunity to love on 7 kids that left an imprint on my heart I will never regret.   I've been blessed with the chance to love on a sweet friend for almost 16 months now and help them through the hardest and most darkest times in their little life.   I know more about you than anyone else on this planet.  

I know that you don't like your arms covered up at night, I know that you despise hot dogs and strawberries and will throw them on the floor the minute they hit your tray.  I know that you belly laugh when you are tickled.   I know that you sit on the drain of the bathtub to prevent us from letting the water out at the end of your bath.   I know that you get your feelings hurt very easily.   I know that you have a sweet tooth and will quietly say "mmmm" when you taste something you like.  I know that you are a fighter and that is what has brought you this far in life.   I know that God has big plans for you and while our time together won't be forever I at least get to be a small part of your story.   

I also know that I'm at a point where I/we need your prayers.   As hard as it is, my heart is preparing me for the final goodbye and what great pain that brings to think about never seeing my little friend again.  The friend who has robbed me of hours of sleep.   The friend that climbs on the kitchen table 20 times a day and won't take no for an answer.   The friend that has broken more of my necklaces than I can even count.   The friend that showed me how to be selfless instead of selfish.   

I end this very sloppy post just asking you to pray for Dave and I tonight.  Pray for guidance, wisdom, peace, you name it.   My story is cryptic and my post is vague but the amazing thing about this story is that God knows the details and we covet your prayers.